For those of you who know me, I hate academia.
The educational system, staring at a book, everything.
Recently I had been busy shutting out many distractions in order to prepare for a final exam in neuroanatomy.
I spent a majority of my academic years pursuing other things and only had average marks.
So what has actually motivated me to commit 2-5 hours of studying a day for the past two weeks? Purpose.
It’s easy to justify not trying by thinking I am not good enough. I can’t be a speech language pathologist with these grades anyway.
The grades are not competitive so why bother doing well in it if my application will get rejected?
Because you will know when you try.
It is true that my grades suck and I will most likely have a mediocre application, BUT by doing my best I have learned many things that I normally wouldn’t have:
I am not a book person, I need physical stimulation as well as mental. I need to read AND do.
I CAN study. I just need to develop my own strategy catered to my own learning abilities.
As long as I put in the time, I will get there.
So why is the last comment important?
Because I look at post-grad applications and think about how crappy I feel when my portfolio is not the right puzzle piece for this jigsaw puzzle. But who’s is? It is rare for someone to come out of university with the right experience that perfectly matches or exceeds a requirement.
So yes, I will most likely need to take X more courses to be able to apply. But if I want it, I will do it. I am not racing with anything but my own expectations.
I don’t think I will become a speech language pathologist.
I only learned that from doing something I disliked and was afraid of.
But I feel at peace and am not afraid because by knowing how I study and being able to do so, I don’t care about what grade I get.
I just know that I can commit myself to something and do my best and be proud of it.
I just know I can do it. Whatever that it will be.
So instead of being afraid of my reality not matching my expectations, I am excited about what comes next because I know I can do it.